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“Ugh. Seriously. I just can’t wait for this day to be over,” the bride exclaimed to her mom.
That’s where she ended up on her wedding day but it’s not how she expected to feel a year ago when he first proposed. How does it end up this way?
The proposal happens, and you’re elated.
But before the moment even sinks in, your head is spinning. You start trying to nail down the venue, the date, the guest list, budget and a million other details…
All of a sudden you’re being pulled in so many different directions, and you to-do list is never ending.
You immediately go into planning mode: checking your Pinterest boards, talking to your married friends, trying to remember all of your ideas to create the perfect wedding. Your friends, his mom, your mom are all telling you different things and offering kind but often unwanted advice on how it should be done.
You may be going to school, working full time, trying to plan a wedding and still have a life. It’s a lot!
And then a couple months before the big day as you are finalizing things with your officiant, you remember, “Oh crap, we have to do a premarital class, too! How are we going to have time for that?!”
And then it hits you. Oh yeah, you’re getting MARRIED! It can be so easy to forget about the marriage part that comes the day after your wedding and lasts the rest of your life.
The most important thing you are forgetting about your engagement is that it’s not just about the wedding planning.
The wedding is one day of your life and hopefully it is beautiful, memorable and exciting.
One of the best days of your life! But that’s the thing. It’s just one day.
The rest of the days that come after you will spend married to this person. Your very best friend. You are going to have some incredible days together and some really hard ones too.
What if the focus of your engagement was more about your relationship and your future marriage than creating the most perfect wedding day?
Because there aren’t many things that are going to stick around after your wedding. The stunning flowers you pick out flowers will wilt, the scrumptious food will get eaten. Your dress will probably sit in a box somewhere.
All that’s left will be your photos to bring you back to the emotions you felt on that day and your marriage. That’s it.
I know it’s easier said than done to keep the focus of your engagement on your relationship and not just the wedding. I went into planning thinking I would be able to keep my priorities straight, but more often than not, I let the stress over insignificant details take over.
One of my biggest meltdowns was over a disagreement between my mom and I over the centerpieces. Yup, centerpieces. Dumb, eh? In retrospect, I wish I would have just let it go because in the end, it didn’t matter.
However, here are a couple quick tips of how to focus on your relationship while planning your wedding-
- Try to put boundaries on the wedding talk. It’s easy to only discuss the pressing things like the impending bill for the venue that’s due or trying to narrow down the guest list, but make a point to spend time discussing what you are looking forward to in your life together after the wedding as well as the wedding plans.
- Plan something you love doing together for your engagement photos. Have you ever wanted to go up in a hot air balloon together? Do you love hiking and exploring or going to wine tastings? Do it! Take advantage of having a professional photographer tag along to photograph your adventure to capture memories of this time in your life.
- After the engagement session, plan a romantic dinner for just the two of you to enjoy each other’s company and catch up. You can actually combine all your vendor meetings with dates!
- Need help with parts of your wedding like assembling DIY decor? Invite your friends over for a casual party to work on them and then have a bonfire afterwards! The more invested other people are in your wedding, the more excited they’ll be for it. Delegating tasks to your friends and family who are willing to help will keep some of the stress off you and your guy so you can focus more on each other. Tony and I did an event like this and called it Crafts & Cocktails. Our friends loved it!
- Take time for a pre-marital class. It may not sound like the most exciting way to spend your time and money but discussing important subjects like finances, conflict, in-laws and where you’ll spend holidays will make a big impact on your future marriage.
- Make a plan for married life with short and long-term goals. Discuss what you want your life to look like when you’re married and then start practicing these habits while you’re engaged. This could include scheduling weekly date nights or planning nights to discuss your budget and calendar or spending a romantic weekend away.
I hope you have a great engagement, my friend! Take advantage of this unique time together to invest in your relationship and don’t just anxiously wait around for your wedding day.
Click below to schedule a meet up and we can talk over more ideas to make your wedding and engagement incredible!