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There is so much stress that comes along with planning a wedding that you don’t expect. It’s an amazing time in your life and we that’s what we hear about constantly.
What we don’t hear about are the very real struggles that come along with planning a wedding, and how the excitement can easily turn to frustration. Family tensions often surface and there are way more details to think about than expected.
Everyone involved has different expectations and ideas for your day and they’re usually not hesitant to share them. It’s easy to feel like you’re letting people down, and then you do what is expected simply because it feels like you should do it that way.
Here are a couple tips to help you make decisions more confidently
Sit down with your fiancé and write down why you’re getting married and planning a wedding
It sounds cheesy and too simple to work, but trust me- having it written down and accessible when you are making decisions will help immensely.
On that paper, also write down whose opinions really matter to you when it comes to planning your wedding. I’m guessing it will include the two of you, maybe some close family members or friends and that’s it. When you’re making decisions and worried that the cousin you haven’t seen in 5 years might judge you for it, let it go and consider what the people on your list will think.
Think about the overall day and the
vibe you want your wedding to have
How will the decisions you make affect the feel of the day? If you want your wedding to be an all-out dance party, maybe you’ll consider cutting back on flowers or your dress to get the incredible band you want who will get everyone on the dance floor. Don’t care about the dance? Skip the DJ and just mingle with your guests instead.
When it comes time to make a decision ask yourself, “Will this make the wedding day more fun for us and our guests?”
Those fancy napkins and chair covers you’re debating about may look really pretty, but in the end, they probably won’t enhance the wedding experience too much.
You and your fiancé’s priorities may differ slightly but keep them in mind when you are disagreeing on a decision. If you don’t understand why he would want to splurge more for the fancy steak option meaning you’ll have to cut back in other areas, remember that maybe the meal experience is the most important thing to him and his family.
Myth 1: We have to have a big, traditional wedding and invite everyone or (insert name here) will be disappointed
If you want your wedding to only consist of the two of you and your officiant, that’s awesome. That’s all you actually need to get married! You can have a great elopement that is perfect for you. Want to just invite 25 of your closest family and friends and have the ceremony and dinner in the middle of the woods? Cool! Do it! Read about how David and Linnea found a happy middle ground between what they wanted and what their parents wanted here.
Myth 2: It’s all about the details
Keep reminding each other that it’s about the wedding day and your marriage, not just the details. It’s easy to overlook the ceremony and just focus on the party afterwards, but keep in mind that the ceremony and the getting married part is the reason for the rest of it. Spend time creating and planning the things that bring you joy and feel free to leave the rest behind.
Myth 3: All we should focus on during our engagement is wedding planning
The credits aren’t going to roll with “happily ever after” flashing across the screen when you have that sparkling exit from your wedding. You spent all of that money and time planning so that you could spend the rest of your life with your favorite person, and it’s all just beginning now! This is the start of your adventure, not the end.
Myth 4: How my wedding day goes is a reflection of who I am
Pinterest and the wedding industry sell perfection and it’s easy to think that your wedding is a reflection of you so you want it to be perfect.
“Because of how you were raised or how you approach the world, you’ve knowingly or unknowingly attached your self-worth to how your product or art is received. In simple terms, if they love it, you’re worthy; if they don’t, you’re worthless.” –Brene Brown
Myth 5: We have to have the perfect wedding day
Guess what? Done is better than perfect. The guest list that you finish and aren’t thrilled about is better than the perfect but imaginary guest list that lives in your head. The florist you can afford but aren’t thrilled about is probably a better choice than the gorgeous DIY bouquets you saw on Pinterest but will never actually have time to make.
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the feelings of shame, judgement and blame.” Brene Brown
Those stunning wedding photos we see on Pinterest are the best of the best. The huge bouquets don’t list the outrageous price tag or detail the struggle that went into making them look perfect for the styled shoot they were a part of. Don’t forget that a lot of the wedding photos online were often taken during styled shoots and not real weddings.
“It’s in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced and photoshopped world very dangerous.” Brene Brown
It’s not worth stressing out to try to make your wedding live up to those pictures.
Figure out the “why” of your wedding and whose opinions matter to you and the rest will fall into place.
Resources to help your planning and decision making
· Wedding planning podcasts- these are helpful, free resources. They’ll help you realize you’re not alone in the stress and excitement you have. You can listen to them while you’re driving, at work or putting together your wedding decorations. It’s a great way to save time! Check out a list of them here.